Moisten Bint

I feel like I have neglected my duties as a blogger to create funny situations for you all to read and laugh at.  I apologize for my lack of posting...know I'm working on getting some good material up here soon.

The World Coming to an End!?!?!?

This morning I woke up and thought, "Man today is going to be ok...I hope..." But today was no ordinary day...Oh no today would be a day that thousands of students would talk about for a long time.

I was sitting in class today enjoying a riveting lecture (that's sarcasm by the way), when all of a sudden there was a loud noise all around the class, university, and the town. The sound coming from a low flying military jet.  I didn't not see it but the sound was all the proof I needed that the Ruskies were coming for us again!!!!

After confirming the incident with some friends and the ever trustworthy facebook, I decided that this was a call to arms!  From the reports I had heard it was a renegade Soviet pilot who didn't know that the Cold War was over, but was sactioned by the Russians.  "Those bastard," I thought as I decided my game plan to single handedly invade and take over the Kremlin.  This proved to be more time consuming than I had originally hoped.

You can't just go to Russia all willy nilly and start shooting up the Kremlin.  You have to have a concise and well oiled, not to mention it was just me and whatever black market weapons I could scronge up. That proved to be easier than planned.  I had by this time hopped a plane to the middle east in search of the famed Black Market.  Apparently all you need is some cash and they will give you whatever you want.  So naturally I went with the standard assualt rifles, hand guns, and RPGs, but the flame thrower was an added bonus cause the guy liked my style.

Any who, I had my weapons and a haphazard plan now all I needed to do was to put it to action........
Stay Tuned

Just to those who don't know my humor THIS IS NOT TRUE!!! IT IS COMPLETE FICITION (minus the plane flying over that really happened)

The Hot Freak Caper

For those of my faithful readers it has been a couple of weeks since my last post.  I really do not know how to follow that one up.  I really have not had anything that has been as funny that I can rant and rave about.  Unless we can consider my first radio show of the semester on Friday.

I run a weekly radio show at my campus radio station (since I want to be a radio dj it fits) Any who, I was running my show and one of the gimmicks we did was we copied a bit from a show that we had seen on youtube.  A morning show had an actor on their show and had him do a dramatic reading of a LMFAO song.

In our infinite wisdom my friends and I thought, "Aha!!!! We can do that, and one up them in the process."  So what did we do, we started planning our attack.  We found which songs would be the best to do a "dramatic reading" of and then Friday came.  The songs we ended up picking were "Don't Cha" by the Pussycat Dolls and "Rape Me" by Nirvana.  Needless to say the people who were in studio listening to Ted Kipp's rousing renditions of both were rolling on the floor laughing because of how ridiculous they were!!

In any case it was a hit and we are planning on doing one at every show...they can only get better.

The Turtle Humping Incident

Much to the dismay of the reader, this incident really did happen.  I was at ZooAmerica on Wednesday with a friend of mine (she will remain nameless [I will send this to her later] sorry I had to) and we were walking through the zoo and walked into the desert building.  Much to our dismay there was a group of 4 turtles, two of which were doing the turtle version of the horizontal mambo.

I know some people will be thinking to themselves "oh that's just repulsive" or "why are you writing about this on a public forum" Well all you naysayers I will explain...When I walked in and saw the turtles humping like rabbits (they really weren't they aren't just slow walkers) my first instinct wasn't to turn away in disbelief or to think how repulsive it was, but rather my first instinct was to start laughing and pull out my camera phone so I could take pictures to prove that I was not hallucinating this fantastical event.

That being said, I know it was immature of me to do but that is not the only occurrence of me seeming to revert to childhood nature.

After the incident at ZooAmerica, my friend and I went to a comic book store, I know this seems very nerdy so bite me, and I geeked a little bit over Star Wars comics and proceeded to by a Batman Graphic novel.  When I got home and read through the comic my geek out proved to be more costly because I ended up buying two more Batman comics by the same writer and finally finishing the Watchmen all within hours of each other.

I like this new found youthful vigor inside of me.  When I was a kid I did not read comics as much as my cousins, I watched movies and escaped in to a long time ago in a galaxy far far away. That's right ladies and germs, Star Wars was and is my passion of choice. This passion of mine has continued to this day and as a result of my inner geek finally winning a battle I subsequently changed my religion to Jedi!

What was I talking about? I seem to have blacked out and woken up in a strange place surrounded by turtles....I don't like it, not one bit. Wait is that the Millennium Falcon I hear? It is! Han is coming to save me from the clutches of Darth Box Turtle and his maniacal humping.

Ah yes! A funny conclusion to a pointless rant....My work here is done!!!!

The Shake Down!!!!

We are finally through all of the family gathering days for this holiday season and as I type this I realize that it might have been the last Christmas and New Years I will see in my lifetime. (To those of my followers who actually think I buy into the Mayan calendar predictions rest easy it's just for fun that I talk of the end of the world.)  I thought I would be able to live until I was at least 50, but to know that world will end in December weeks after I have had my 23rd birthday kind of blows, and not in a happy ending kind of way but rather the oh crap her parents are home and she is going to give you the worst case of blue balls in your life way.

I thought I would live to see cars that fly, a DeLorean that Doc Brown has converted into a time machine, having a rewarding job, and finally living long enough to find the girl for me, have kids, and make each other happy until we die naturally.  BUT NO!!!! The Goddam Mayans and Nostradamus.  Now my life is cut in it's prime! Just means I have to get out there now and start spreading my seed with all of the women I like make sure that the world won't miraculously survive because that would be one hell of a child support bill (just kidding obviously)

Now the people who actually have bought into this garbage are people who really upset me.  These people are in constant denial that the world is fine and that this Ancient race and astronomer have deciphered when the world will actually end.  No one can be sure, plus if you lived back when the Mayans and Nostradamus lived you thought the world would end the next day because of how ridiculous they are.

That's all I got in the tanks for tonight hope you enjoy my little rant. Feels good to be back!!!

Turkey Day...and the Descent into the Depths

A day to go and we will be at the great American holiday of Thanksgiving.  A day capitalized by pigging out, watching sports, sleeping, eating some more, and then wake up in the dead of night to go get the "best deals" on shit we don't need.

I sit here and ponder how and why have gotten so materialistic.  I admit I'm a victim to the materialistic world, much as any other Joe Schmo, but I want to understand why.  Why has a day that was celebrated by the pilgrims and native Americans becoming saturated with FOOTBALL!!!!

As I ponder this new world bull shit I am reminded that I must make the three hour trek out of the mountains and back home for this day of gluttony.  Unfortunately as I come to this cursed realization it is while it is currently pissing on Campus outside...and as I was informed about an hour ago, it is supposed to turn into a slushie bull shit, hooray for a three hour drive home in this crap!

As much as I curse the long hours alone in the descent to home, I am overcome by the sense of happiness that I will, for the first time in several months, get to see my family.  Not my parents, I see them every other week, but my grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles.  It is a time when my cousins and I can sit down and talk about the latest video game that we want or the newest movie that we can make fun of (in this case the Twilight b.s.) or to get feedback on my current endeavor of blogging.

So, that's where I'm at in my current dilemma of the day.  Also, don't know what to do with my self for the next twelve hours...YAY!  It's going to be a long day!

Another day, another count of Stupidity in America's youth

Today was just one of those days.  Not much you can do in these situations other than find ways to entertain yourself... I find myself resorting to what my cousins and I do whenever we get bored and are near a computer...We troll youtube and failblog to find the most ridiculous videos and folks I believe I found it.  http://www.youtube.com/user/failblog?blend=1&ob=4 if you watch this like I did your first reaction will be "Why the hell are these dumb ass punks shooting roman candles at each other!" Let that thought subside and as it does you will see probably one of the best scenes of a stupid idea going hilarious.  The one kid runs out of fireworks in his roman candle and decided to throw it at the other kid...right when the tube leaves his hand you hear the faint sound of something exiting the other roman candle off screen...you think to yourself "there's no possible way that's what I thought it was?" as you watch a fireball enter the frame and head straight for that fat kids face!!!  Every time I see those quick seconds in the video I lose all sense of what is going on and die of laughter because the fat kid just got hit in the face with a Roman Candle...Hope you enjoy it as much as I did